Ain't gonna paint no more

Sometimes, the best canvas is ourselves.

Sometimes, it is our little sister...

Or mommy.

In the end though, it all comes clean.

youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/tamipeter

Smiles

Christmas girls

Eye Color

Will they change?

Big sister

People keep asking how Bin is reacting to being a big sister. I think she is doing remarkably well, considering. She does get a bit annoyed with the screaming and she had some problems at tumbling and school, but with the baby, she is very helpful. She does keep correcting daddy when he says "little girl." It is little baby. She looses interest in Lil pretty quickly, but when she is around Lil, she is sweet. She wants to give Lil stuff and make her laugh and she wants Lil to come with her everywhere. I think that Bin is at the age when little girls want to be mommies and so Lil is kind of like a big doll. And Bin wants another baby now- this time a boy. She says grandma agrees. Too bad mom and dad don't.

Lil and Bin

Telling pics of the girls apart should be pretty easy. Bin is bald, Lil has hair. :) I like hair.

I have been very surprised by how different the two girls seem even at not even a month old. Lil loves to eat and wants to be held all the time. Bin hated eating, had a horrible time latching on and would eat 5 minutes every 4-6 hours (versus every 2-3 hours for like 15-45 minutes). Lil also seems to be colder while Bin was a little heating block. So, Lil needs to be kept wrapped up a lot more than Bin. Lil loves the swing and is there all the time. She hates the blue bouncer (pic immediately above shows Bin in it) and won't take a pacifier. Lots of little differences. I think it is easier to view Lil as an individual and not just lump because of how different she is compared to Bin. With Bin, everything was just baby behavior but with Lil it is like, not just baby stuff, but Lil specific baby stuff.

Lillian Qing Qing

October 13, 2:34 pm Lillian was born. 8 pounds, 3 ounces, 20 inches long.

I hate being pregnant and I whine a lot about it. So, wehn my doctor said he would induce at 39 weeks, I jumped at the chance. My doctor was convinced that the risk of c-section or complications from an induction was extremely low and with Bin, I ended up inducing, despite being so close to labor (dropped, over 3 cms, lost mucus plug, etc).

Since the induction was not medically necessary, I had to wait on the list. No guarantees of getting in. At 5am, they had no openings and Peter decided he would just go into work that day and I would just call if they ended up having an opening, but he seemed to think the chances were pretty low. At 9am, after the shift change, I called the hospital again and they had an opening for 10:30am. Peter was a bit surprised to get my call saying ok, come home now. Apparently, he made the mistake of sending e-mails to his coworkers before packing everything else, so they all congregated at his desk as he tried to get going. :) I took Bin over to her friend's house with the plan of her spending the night. With a check in time of 10:30am, I figured I would be lucky to get in and started by 11am. When I induced with Bin (and with her I was starting with irregular contractions and so close to labor that people couldn't believe I wasn't already there) it took a total of 9 hours, so that would mean like 8pm then 4 hours of baby in nursery so midnight before bin would be able to meet baby which wouldn't work. After dropping her off, I went home and peter was there, ready to go. I drove myself to hospital (this pregnancy I have been feeling a lot better overall and generally drove everywhere since I prefer driving than riding).

We got checked in and the nurse hooked me up and got pit going about 11am. The DVD player wasn't in the room (someone had moved it to another room) so we just read and Peter napped. After lunch, the nurse said she would have someone come hook up the dvd player for us. in the end, we watched one episode of Big Bang Theory and that was it. Things went a bit faster than expected.

While Peter was off eating his lunch (I told him not to bring food into the room since I wasn't allowed to eat and was starving), the contractions started getting a little more painful. I thought crap, it is barely one. My dr wants me to put off that epidural as long as possible and here I am ready for painkillers after only like 3 hours. It still wasn't that bad, so I tried to read my book and relax and breathe and all that stuff. I went with the newest Dresden book Changes. Butcher tends to have a fast paced style, keeps me up all night reading when I should be sleeping so I figured that would be a good choice. After about 15 minutes I realized, it still really hurt and I really needed to pee. So, I called the nurse in and said I want some drugs and to go potty. She said drugs after she checks me depending on the results. I said, ok, potty first though. That should tell you about the pain level- I was ok with not getting anything until doign some other things first. Going potty I was convinced she had dropped a bit and decided that was why it was hurting more, so hopefully I had dropped enough to atleast get a painkiller. They say the first shot of the painkiller is the only truly effective one so I was trying to put that off for a bit.

When I came out, Peter was back and the nurse checked me. While doing so, she said wow, your bag of water is like right here. And then it broke all over the place. She then went and ordered my epidural, as I was at 7cms and -1 station. She called my doctor but said she had no doubt he would approve the epidural. Last time, my dr came in checked me himself and thought about it. This time, the nurse over at his office okd it and soon we had drugs. Not soon enough for me as I became a complete wuss for every contraction. Like went from maybe wincing to shaking and barely breathing for the pain in that one minute. So, right now, I think the pit isn't the evil part of labor. I handled that all good for a few hours. It is the water bursting that sucks.

The epidural guy came and I was all pathetic so he gave me some drugs in the IV to tide me over while he hooked the rest up. He said I did do a great job at not moving a muscle the whole time he was setting things up, though it was pretty obvious I was in massive pain. I was completely shocked that I had made it all the way to 7cms dilation without needing the epidural. I think the nurse was a little defensive cause I kept saying, wow, I can't believe I did that. She was like, you never told me you wanted one. You said you were fine, your pain levels weren't that high when I asked, you looked fine during contractions. She said she expected a 3 cm dilation when she checked me, not 7. The 7 was way fast- esp since starting at 1 cm, 50% effaced and high.

My doctor came just as the epidural went in. I think he was a bit surprised by the speed too. He jokingly pointed to his shoes and told the nurse that he didn't have running shoes on today, so he was going to need a bit or warning. Then we started watching our dvd. Since everyone seemed to be expecting fast, we went with tv show instead of a movie. I still expected a few hours though. So 2pm, epidural in, tv on. We watched an episode and the nurse checked me. She asked if I could feel pressure on my pelvis, which I could. She then went and called a bunch of people and tv show went off. My doctor showed up and the nurse joked that as fast as he got there, they must be running shoes.

I pushed 4 times and baby plopped out, as well as a whole bunch of water and blood and stuff. He did have to do an episiotomy, but I didn't really feel it. I could feel the contractions for when to push though. Boring stuff while the nurses took care of the baby and my doctor sewed me up. He left some prescriptions and was done. I think my doctor probably spent only like 20 minutes total on me all day. Things were just that fast. 2:34 pm she was born. That is a nice, easy to remember birth time.

I finally got baby back and unlike bin, she went for the breast and latched on first try. She seemed to know exactly what to do, which a lot of lactation consultants claim all babies do, but just the difference in latching on at the stage between lil and bin was huge. I don't think I did anything differently. Lil also has been very into breastfeeding. If she is awake, she wants to be eating and thinks feeding sessions should last 45 minutes, an hour.

By the time they had me ready to move to my own room, the epidural was pretty well gone and I was happy to take my percosets. The hospitals prevailing attitude was better to stop the pain before it starts, so two percs every 4 hours was the standard. I figured I might as well enjoy the chance to be painfree while I have lots of people there to take care of things.

Bin meets Lil
After dinner, Peter went and picked Bin up from friend's house. I think she was excited, but also a little scared of the baby. Initially she wanted daddy to hold baby, not her. It was already pretty late, so they didn't stay too long. Peter took her home and they slept there. I had lil brought to me when hungry until like midnight and then decided to sleep. Of course, with nurses coming to check my vitals and bleeding, pull out IVs, etc, it wasn't the greatest sleep.

That sums up day one. Right now (Oct 16) I am still recovering. I think Lil is an easier baby, but I am also a lot more confident, less worried. Like when lil fussed all night, it was kinda expected, not nearly as upsetting. Still sore and tired, but emotionally good. Mostly just glad not to be pregnant. :)

Telling time

Over summer, we have been swimming and they have a non-digital clock there. We have been telling her when we are going to leave and showing her the time on the that clock. When we got fast food recently, we were given a number: 46. We usually ask bin to read numbers and letters that we come across so we gave her the number to hold and asked her what it was. She looked and proudly proclaimed- that means 4:30! (big hand on 4, little hand on 6 is 4:30- daddy come home after 4:30 but before 5:00 usually). I guess we might be introducing too many things at once. :) She also likes to pull down the clock and change the time and then say, look, it's 5pm, daddy is late, we need to get him. Or it is 3:30 now, we need to go swimming now. I don't think she believes me when I tell her that changing the clock doesn't actually change the time.

Cutie update- went to GI. GI knows nothing so going to do some tests to try to figure out what is going on. He still isn't feeling great, but back at work (though he is taking some happy drugs to get through the day). Two ER visits this summer, plus all these tests, plus all the costs for new baby are getting to be a bit of a strain, but oh well. We are trying to switch to as low fat a diet as we can stand, which requires more work on my part (cause you can't eat healthy and fast food) plus extra costs to get the good stuff. Oh well, it is probably a good adjustment for us long term, even if it hurts right now. With my 3rd trimester nausea, I am happy with just toast some days, so I can't complain much.

Encouraging signs

Today at gym there was a brand new baby (one week old). Bin said she wanted to see the baby, so we went to look. She then said, no, I don't want to see that baby, I want to see the baby in your belly. Got lots of laughs from the rest of the room.

I was amazed with Bin on the bars at gym today. She was moving her legs from tucked in to straight position. She held her body perfectly straight, her legs stayed together at all times and toes pointed. Maybe from close up there were more flaws, but I could not believe she could do it that close to perfect form. Also, did some push up things on the ring that I thought I don't have the arm strength to do. While I am watching in awe, the gym teacher caught my eye and gave me a look like this is what I was talking about.

Bin later was a little upset she didn't have enough arm strength to do one of the other task. I don't think she ever looks around at the other kids in class, cause none of them can do the stuff she has mastered (like the teacher is still holding them up while they are on the bars for everything). I guess though it is good that being better than everyone else isn't enough for her.

I did kind of feel bad when her coach seemed shocked that I am dropping Bin to once a week with the school year. I am getting very pregnant, she'll be at preschool ten hours a week, I think an hour is good enough. If Bin is upset over the drop in hours, we'll talk about it, but for now, I think an hour is about what we can handle. Though Bin does want a bunch of stuff so she can practice at home (a bar, rings, a balance beam and a trampoline are what she asked for in specific- oh also a mat).

Developing potential in kids

Today, Bin's coach and I talked about Bin's skill level. For people who haven't heard me talk about Bin and tumbling, she is very good. The coach today mentioned that their team coach for the pre-competition team has been watching Bin and while you can not have kids younger than 4 on the team, they are monitoring her with the hope that she will be mature enough to join the team as soon as she is 4. She is not mature for her age- she behaves exactly like a 3.5 year old should. So, they need to decide when she turns 4 if she can handle being on a team or not. She is all over it skill wise and they are very excited over her- like the coach sounded seriously impressed about some of the things she does. The coach also mentioned that she tries to give Bin a little more demanding of tasks than the other kids because Bin needs to be challenged.

Proud mama in my is very proud and excited- wow, my little girl has skills! Worrier mama though...If she has talent, I have to decide how much to develop that. Do I push her to work out all the time with hopes of someday being a champion? Or do I try to keep it just about fun? In twenty years, is she going to say, if mom had put me on the team at 4, I could have been an Olympic champion? Or is she going to say mom stole my childhood by forcing me into tumbling starting at 2 and putting me on the team the first day I was old enough? I know, they haven't even invited her to the team yet (just indicated that they are waiting for her to be old enough), but there is a part of me that worries and plans. Cutie and I had discussed our views regarding pushing her academically and how we felt about raising a genius child (so far, we are thinking genius child not in the cards), but we had never really considered physically gifted child. So, the realization that she has real potential, not just enough to brag about to the other parents but enough that it might actually matter what I do or don't do is a bit of a realization. Watching her in tumbling outpacing the other kids I had started considering it, but hearing teacher talk about it and say how rare it is for a kid her age to do these things (like not just one in a class of six kind of rare) made it really hit home. I guess for now, just wait and see how it goes, but still, something I might need to start considering. Also, will have to consider some big questions, like how much time and money do I spend on Bin's tumbling? During the school year, we are cutting down her classes to one a week instead of two and honestly, we were going to just put her in parks and rec to save money except parks and rec only does pre-preschool tumbling (the highest class is 2-3). I have a sneaking suspicion team is going to cost more than rec classes. They don't post those costs- probably under the argument that those are by invite only. Oh well, that is worry mom worrying.

New baby is still growing and kicking and making mom miserable.

Bin did something cute and I was going to post it up here, but I forgot now. Pregnant brains are stupid brains. :)